{"id":1980,"date":"2015-09-30T09:19:57","date_gmt":"2015-09-30T13:19:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/162.223.14.141\/~eccafv\/?p=1980"},"modified":"2016-05-16T21:22:16","modified_gmt":"2016-05-17T01:22:16","slug":"explaining-violence-to-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eccafv.org\/explaining-violence-to-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Explaining Violence to Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

6 tips for talking to children about domestic violence<\/h2>\n

Talking about domestic violence is never easy. Talking about it with the children who witness violence can be both a heartbreaking and confusing challenge for parents to navigate. But parents need to address the issue, whether or not they plan to leave.<\/p>\n

\u201cHaving the conversation is hard on the survivor and may trigger anxiety and traumatic memories,\u201d says Lizeth Toscano, a parenting educator with Echo Parenting and Education. \u201cBut silence isn\u2019t an option. Silence is saying it\u2019s OK that the violence happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here are six tips for talking to children about violence.<\/p>\n

1. Find the right time.<\/strong> When is the right time to talk about violence within the home? That\u2019s easy, Toscano says: \u201cWhenever the child is ready.\u201d She suggests asking open-ended questions after an incident, such as \u201cThat must have been scary for you to see. What do you understand happened?\u201d Toscano also advises parents to be on the lookout for nonverbal cues in children. \u201cChildren tend to internalize issues,\u201d she says. \u201cIf your child starts developing a lot of tummy aches and would rather stay with you than go to school, that\u2019s a sign he or she needs to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Don\u2019t wait.<\/strong> Children are more aware than parents like to think they are. Don\u2019t ever think your child is too young to see what\u2019s going on. And that means they\u2019re never too young to start talking about it. \u201cThere\u2019s never a time that\u2019s too early to start talking to children about violence and safety, self-care and boundaries,\u201d says Allison Crowe, Ph.D., a member of the American Counseling Association and\u2028an assistant professor at East Carolina University. \u201cThe best-case scenario is that we\u2019re constantly talking to our children about these issues\u2014not just when violence happens.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Be age-appropriate. <\/strong>The most important messages to convey to kids are \u201cI love you,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s not your fault.\u201d As your child grows, you can start having conversations about relationships and boundaries. Use words that your child will understand and start conversations that are relevant to your child\u2019s developmental level. For instance, discussing violence with a young child might include why it\u2019s not OK to hit a sibling or classmate. With teens, it\u2019s important to discuss intimate partner abuse as they begin dating. Whatever your situation or step in the process of leaving, make sure children understand that the violence they may see at home is not OK.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

4. Offer an outlet.<\/strong> Children who are reluctant to discuss their feelings verbally may find solace in art or journaling. \u201cSome children will use words and some will not,\u201d Crowe says. \u201cJournaling works particularly well among teens.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Continue to discipline.<\/strong> Parents who feel guilty about exposing children to violence may \u201cgo easy\u201d on them after an incident to try and make up for the trauma. But structure and stability are paramount to children, particularly when violence is present in the home. Continue to keep a routine going as best you can, and be consistent with discipline.<\/p>\n

6. Get help.<\/strong> Parents don\u2019t have to go it alone. Resources in the form ofchildren\u2019s books<\/a>, online programs and counselors are available to help them talk to kids about domestic violence. Take caution if these resources could put yourself or your children in danger if found by the abuser. Talk to an advocate about making sure you and your children stay safe while also getting your children the help they need.<\/p>\n

To learn more about protecting your children from domestic violence, check out Getting Kids Out of Harms Way<\/a> and important facts about potential outcomes of children experiencing violence<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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