{"id":2091,"date":"2016-02-23T18:49:33","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T23:49:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eccafv.org\/?p=2091"},"modified":"2016-05-16T21:19:57","modified_gmt":"2016-05-17T01:19:57","slug":"escaping-with-older-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eccafv.org\/escaping-with-older-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Escaping With Older Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fleeing abuse with adolescents and teenagers has unique challenges<\/em><\/p>\n

Escaping domestic violence when you have children is always difficult. Sometimes, there are certain challenges you\u2019ll need to plan for if your children are adolescents or teenagers. Here are three, and how to plan around them.<\/p>\n

1. Not all shelters accept male teenagers.<\/strong> While the Family Violence Prevention Services Act requires any program receiving its funding to accept all genders and ages, \u201cDepending on how they\u2019re staffed, some shelters may only take male children under a certain age\u2014usually the limit is somewhere between 12 and 18,\u201d says Anita Martin, MSSW, former domestic violence advocate and creator of Love <\/em>magazine. \u201cIt really depends on the size and staff resources of the shelter.\u201d Age limits on males aren\u2019t meant to be a barrier to leaving, though it can make escaping more difficult.<\/p>\n

What to do: <\/strong>There are many shelters that accept children of all ages. Start by calling larger shelters with more staff, as they\u2019re most likely to accept male children. If one doesn\u2019t, ask for a referral to a shelter that does. In an emergency, another idea would be to ask a close friend or relative to house a child until other arrangements can be made. You can also go toDomesticShelters.org<\/a> and search for a shelter near you, then check its demographics section under \u201cPopulations Served.\u201d This will indicate if they accept teens, but it\u2019s always a good idea to call and double check.<\/p>\n

2. Adolescents and teens have their own activities and commitments.<\/strong> More so than younger children, older kids are likely to have a network of friends, be more mobile and independent and be involved in extracurricular activities. They may even hold jobs. Escaping domestic violence can be especially difficult for them if they must cut such ties suddenly or have their freedoms reduced.<\/p>\n

\u201cLiving in a shelter is challenging for children of any age, but especially adolescents,\u201d Martin says. \u201cThey have a very high need for social interaction. Putting them into a shelter environment where they have to restrict that or build new relationships can be difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n

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What to do:<\/strong> Remind yourself that no matter how painful it is to see your children sad to be away from friends, you\u2019re doing the right thing by getting them away from an abuser. They\u2019ll benefit in the long run.<\/p>\n

Because every situation is different, it\u2019s impossible to say whether your child will need to change schools, activities or work. In some cases, simply making arrangements for another trusted adult to take your child to and from these places is workable for you. In other cases, where safety of the child may be compromised, he or she will likely need to cut ties, at least temporarily.<\/p>\n

Many shelters offer counseling to children to help them understand what is going on and to build their self-esteem. Teen support groups and activities are also helpful so they can bond with other kids in similar situations.<\/p>\n

3. Technology can put them,\u00a0and you, in danger.<\/strong> Once you leave your abuser, you\u2019ll need to be extra careful about not letting him or her know where you are. In fact, most shelters have strict confidentiality rules to protect their guests. It can be difficult getting teens, however, to comply with such rules as they may not fully understand the extent of the situation or what might tip off an abuser to your whereabouts. Something as simple as a \u201cfind my device\u201d app on your teen\u2019s phone could lead your abuser right to you.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/strong> Talk with your kids about why keeping your location secret is important. Work with them to turn off all location-based services on their devices, including laptops, cell phones and tablets. And discuss not \u201cchecking in\u201d at places or posting anything on social media about where they are and what they\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re looking for a shelter for you and your children, you\u2019ll no doubt have lots of questions before you get there. Check out, \u201cImportant Questions to Ask<\/a>\u201d to get started.<\/p>\n

January 27, 2016<\/p>\n

By domesticshelters.org<\/p>\n

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SURVEY<\/h4>\n
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If you left an abusive partner with your teen, were you able to find shelter?<\/h2>\n
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  • Yes, a shelter in my area was able to help myself and my teenage children.<\/li>\n
  • Sort of. I found help from a local organization, but we were given alternate housing outside of a shelter.<\/li>\n
  • No, I couldn\u2019t find a shelter that would take in me and my teenage children.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n