{"id":2132,"date":"2016-05-12T12:54:15","date_gmt":"2016-05-12T16:54:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eccafv.org\/?p=2132"},"modified":"2016-05-16T21:18:32","modified_gmt":"2016-05-17T01:18:32","slug":"why-some-survivors-minimize-their-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eccafv.org\/why-some-survivors-minimize-their-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Some Survivors Minimize Their Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"

When this coping mechanism can be a good thing<\/em><\/p>\n

As an abuse survivor, have you ever said to yourself or someone else: \u201cIt\u2019s really not that bad,\u201d<\/em> \u201cHe\u2019s never actually hit me,\u201d <\/em>or \u201cIt only happens when he\u2019s drinking”?<\/em><\/p>\n

Statements like these are a brain\u2019s attempts to minimize abuse or make it seem as though it\u2019s not as bad as it is. And, it\u2019s very normal.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you minimize certain things, it\u2019s as if they\u2019re not really there,\u201d says Ambroes Pass-Turner, Ed.D., a clinically certified domestic violence counselor with a doctorate in counseling psychology. \u201cMinimization is a coping mechanism to get through difficult times.\u201d<\/p>\n

Survivors minimize for other reasons as well. \u201cThey may minimize because they want to believe deep down their abuser loves them,\u201d says Nikki Martinez, a psychologist and licensed clinical professional counselor. Or, they may minimize the situation because their abuser does.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cPeople who abuse are so good at power and control, they\u2019re able to convince their partners that there\u2019s nothing else for them. And then survivors might think to themselves \u2018maybe this isn\u2019t so bad.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Minimization\u2019s Time and Place<\/strong><\/p>\n

Minimization has benefits and drawbacks. \u201cIt can be healthy to some extent to be able to do the things you need to do in the short-term, like take care of your children,\u201d Pass-Turner says. \u201cIt can also hinder a person by not allowing them to deal with things. And if we don\u2019t deal with the things going on in our lives, it makes it difficult to see what\u2019s happening and to get out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Martinez agrees the coping mechanism can be useful in certain situations.<\/p>\n

\u201cMinimization might serve a survival purpose at the time if it\u2019s not safe to leave yet,\u201d she says. However, she cautions against minimizing abuse in the long-term.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cSome people get in this cycle where they go from abuser to abuser,\u201d Martinez says. \u201cIf you\u2019re not being truthful with yourself about the abuse, you\u2019ll never break the cycle.\u201d Additionally, minimizing too frequently may prevent you from recognizing the amount of danger you are in. Learning the warning signs of possible lethal behavior could be lifesaving.<\/p>\n

How to Stop<\/strong><\/p>\n

Both Pass-Turner and Martinez agree that building self-esteem is the best way to see abuse for what it is.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are a lot of people who feel like this is what they deserve,\u201d Pass-Turner says. \u201cIt takes working on their self-esteem to get them to see the real picture and give them a reality check.\u201d<\/p>\n

Having healthy self-esteem can help you recognize and walk away from abuse.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe attract how we feel about ourselves,\u201d Martinez says. \u201cWith counseling or a support group, you\u2019ll come to the realization that you deserve more and start breaking the pattern. When you have self-esteem, you won\u2019t stand for a situation at the first sign of abuse.\u201d<\/p>\n

Abuse, whether physical, psychological or social, has lasting effects. Find out what they are in \u201c Time Doesn\u2019t Heal All Wounds<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

April 27, 2016<\/p>\n

By domesticshelters.org<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When this coping mechanism can be a good thing As an abuse survivor, have you ever said to yourself or someone else: \u201cIt\u2019s really not that bad,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s never actually […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":2133,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"_tribe_blocks_recurrence_rules":"","_tribe_blocks_recurrence_description":"","_tribe_blocks_recurrence_exclusions":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Some Survivors Minimize Their Abuse - 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